The ever typical peace keeper, despite best efforts not to be, I find myself slipping into that role time and again. Boundaries were never something I learned. Growing up in an alcoholic home they just didn't exist. I earned my gold medal in peacekeeping just to try to maintain some space between myself and the chaos that surrounded me. Unfortunately it's a tough role to break...but I will continue to make it a work in progress.
With a lot of self work and reflection, boundaries have become something more familiar and I've identified a number of them that work for me. The difficult thing about having boundaries is knowing when to set them. For myself, it's usually after I've allowed them to be pushed, a number of times, in my efforts to keep the peace and oh yes, did I mention I'm also working towards becoming a reformed people pleaser as well?
I usually will get to the point of being in exhausted tears before I realize I haven't held my boundaries and have overextended myself to please. The stress of people pleasing is finally outweighing everything. Once again, I've let myself down. Any of this sounding familiar? I suspect it does because I meet a number of others in this life who will tell me of similar circumstances. So what do I tell them and what do I tell myself?
1. FORGIVE YOURSELF
First and foremost cut yourself some slack. After I've kicked myself a couple of times and wiped the tears away I remember to tell myself that yes, I caught myself again, I messed up, but I did catch myself and perhaps next time I will catch myself sooner. That does happen.
2. STOP IT!
As soon as you realize the boundaries have been breached put them back in place. Take a few moments to recognize where you've been lax in holding your own space and gift yourself by putting those boundaries up. Then take a breath.
I use to feel that I couldn't, that it was too late, that people wouldn't like it...yeah, the people pleaser raises it's loud and ugly voice to say "What will others think of me?". But the more important question is how will you feel about yourself if you don't? I thought so...nail those things up if have to, but put them up.
3. Say NO
Say no and don't justify it. You really don't owe anyone a reason or justification for putting your boundaries up and beginning to say no. Yes, it means you have switched gears, people may not like it, but is it worth the stress to not do it? Certainly if people ask and you feel as though you want to explain, you can, however at times that can be exhausting. Right now you're doing the work of holding the boundaries in place and rebuilding yourself, and that needs to come first.
4. Celebrate you
Hey, you were successful, you figured it out, you caught up with your boundaries, set them, took a breath and now it's time to celebrate that amazingness that is your achievement. Yes, there will likely be more occurrences of boundary violation and people pleasing mishaps, but not today.
You're only human and that is something to celebrate. Give yourself the pat on the back, the toast with champagne or whatever way you celebrate you!
Teaching Reiki in Alberta and BC this Spring and Summer, below please find upcoming dates for Reiki Classes and Exchanges:
Reiki Level 1 Class - Sunday, April 22nd 9:30 to 5
Reiki Exchange - Sunday, April 22nd 2 to 4:30pm
Reiki Exchange - Sunday, May 6th 10:30 to 12:30
Reiki Classes - Level 1 or Level 2 - Sunday, Sept. 9th 9:30 to 5:30
Reiki Exchange - Sunday, Sept. 9th 2 to 4:30pm
When it comes to our Heart health it is important that all aspects of our health are considered...rather than considering only symptoms, Holistic health therapies take into account the whole person (mind, body, spirit) and how the current state of dis-ease is affecting them.
If the symptom is heart palpatations but the underlying cause is stress, it's more important to treat the stress aspect so that the heart and mind can relax...don't you think?
Our Spirit is able to connect and communicate with us more effectively when we are relaxed, open and calm. When we nurture that connection we thrive in a place of harmony, balance and wellbeing! We become more aware of the emotional stress and physical pain in our day to day activities. In that simple awareness we can begin to heal.
Each Holistic Health practitioner will have their own ideas as to which modality is the best for their clients health. Through the past 22+ years of practice, experience has taught me that the client actually knows much better than I do... often without realizing it.
I may suggest Reiki as a generic way to relax, become calm and discover balance, however, if a client is high energy and has difficulty staying still for long periods then that one hour Reiki session is likely to drive them crazy and up their stress level.
In this situation I would be more likely to introduce a couple of modalities where a vigourous massage for the first part of the hour, to begin the relaxation process, followed by Reiki for the second half of the hour, would likely be easier and more fitting for that particular client. This is the reason I take a few minutes at the beginning of a session to understand where you, the client, are at that day.
Each of the modalities that I offer encourage the body to relax and in that relaxed state the mind and spirit are often drawn into the space of calm. It is in that relaxed state that the innate and natural healing process can begin. That is the space you want to get to in holistic health modalities to best realize and maintain your heart health.
My role in that is to listen, to understand and to facilitate in providing a session that will be of the most benefit to your overall wellbeing, whichever modality that is.
Explore the different modalities towards wellness for yourself... (click a button below)
I don't know about you but sometimes I look at some of the selfcare tips and articles and they actually stress me out. I know that it's important to practice good selfcare, but how to juggle that with a busy life?
Not long ago I came up with some ideas for keeping Selfcare simple, making it work with my schedule so as to not be more stressful. Stress has a negative impact upon heart health and so it seemed ridiculous to me to be stressing out about my own selfcare.
When I first thought about my selfcare I created a list (yes, I'm one of those) of all the things that to me, were selfcare essentials that fit. That list was daunting in itself. I decided to take just 4 items from the list, that were important to me and make those my priority. Here is what I've been practicing...
Quiet Coffee Time
Not a morning person, I value quiet time when I first rise. My first selfcare essential was to recognize that...it's part of who I am. Also a coffee hound (only 2 cups a day but they must be good cups), I began taking the steps to set up the coffee maker the night before so that in the morning my coffee was ready and I could sit quietly in my space. Each morning I verbally thank myself for taking a few minutes the night before to do this. It may seem simplistic, but I began to notice a change in my thoughts in taking the few seconds to be thankful for my selfcare.
A recent move to Calgary has meant my skin adapting to the drier climate. Putting lotion on my skin has never been a priority as I've never really dealt with dry skin before...but now I have no choice, it can get so dry it hurts. Just taking the time to moisturize can be a moment of selfcare. For a few moments it takes you out of your head and connects you with your physical body. You can further the selfcare energy of this time by thinking or saying positive things about your body.
An example would me my gratitude for the strength in my hands and arms. It allows me to continue doing this work that I love, and also means I can give and receive strong, warm hugs.
I took this selfcare ritual further by purchasing a naturally scented lotion. I love the smell of roses. The scent calms and centres me and leaves me feeling peaceful. So that few moments of moisturizing with rose scented lotion makes me feel nurtured physically and emotionally.
I do find, with my work being so physical, that at the end of my work day I am tired. Once every couple of months I put aside a day to make healthy and nutritious freezer meals. Such a treat when I get home and can just pop something into the oven! I feel so much gratitude for my having the foresight to make sure I am eating healthy meals. I make ahead meals for breakfast and lunches as well so that throughout the day I am feeding my body well.
And my fourth daily ritual for selfcare is drinking something natural and healthy before going to bed. I try to end my day in the same quiet contemplative space that I started it with.
The benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar and natural Honey are many (the picture shows a few). While I sip I take a few moments to think about a few things I'm grateful for from the day and I thank myself for taking some time to take these steps toward selfcare.
Those are my four daily selfcare steps...which may not seem like a lot but have had a huge impact in reducing my stress levels and increasing self esteem. I'm grateful to myself for taking the time to do just these things. It has encouraged me to do more in the way of selfcare on those days that I have time, but to not let it stress me out if this is all that I get done.
Have you made the Selfcare list? How can you make it simpler for you?
Did you know that when we take the time for selfcare we teach our children how important it is?
From a Massage Therapy or holistic therapy point of view bloating is seen as a symptom of something happening in the body. For example: a symptom of PMS and Menopause may include bloating, indigestion or inflammation in the colon may produce bloating. Regardless of the reason for the symptom, holistic health looks at the whole picture and works to reduce bloating through addressing the cause, while also reducing the discomfort that bloating can bring.
One of the best applications is abdominal massage. A practice well worth having your massage therapist give while also teaching you how to self massage at home. Abdominal massage can assist air or gas to move through the colon to be released, while helping to reduce inflammation, ease pain and improve digestion. It is a gentler form of massage where the organs between the ribs and pelvis are treated.
While the benefits of abdominal massage include improved digestion and relief of constipation it also assists in regulating metabolic function and reducing the build-up of wastes in the body. The feeling of abdominal bloating often comes about when our metabolism is impeded and wastes are not being released as they should.
Reflexology is another form of therapy that can work on the nerve endings in the feet that correspond to bloating due to gas. Adults and colicky babies alike respond really well to having that part of their foot treated.
Want to learn more? Book a session for yourself or baby at Atmosphere Health and Teresa will teach you how to self massage and/or how to treat baby for a happier, less bloated, belly.
Something I hear from others, but also experience myself is the way in which misunderstanding, hurt and hard feelings come about through the lack of emotion when communicating through technology. When reading a text or other message we tend to interpret what we think the sender is expressing, but we do so through our own filter. That filter through which we see and hear others, is what we've developed through our past experiences in communicating with the world...but, is it true?
In order for it to be true we would have to have had the exact same experiences that the sender has had in their lifetime, and have dealt with those experiences in a similiar way. Yes, there are life experiences for which we can empathize with or share the joy of, but we still do that through our perception.
When communicating face to face, and really listening to another (and I don't mean listening to respond, but really hearing) we have the benefit of facial expression, hand gestures, body language, touch and tone of voice. It creates clarity in communication and the opportunity to ask questions to be sure that you are truly understanding another.
As a hands on therapist I have that opportunity to clearly hear what a client is saying in regards to issues they may be having with their health. I'm able to watch how they are moving, listen to their tone of voice and see their facial expressions.
What I find is that it is more often those personal interactions that are shifted to technology, as we find ourselves busier and busier in our day to day lives, and often relating from a distance. The communication with those that are the most important to us, our friends and family, are left open to the misunderstandings that can be created through our filters. While I see this causing stress in clients lives, I feel it in my own as well.
Many will respond to this dilemma with a shrug and say "well, that is just how the world is now". But is that true? Perhaps it is as simple as picking up the telephone. Granted you only have tone of voice to really listen to, but that at least keeps some of the emotion in communicating. Better yet, if those relationships are important to you then making the time for face to face communication is probably more essential than keeping up with the "busyness" of life. In the long run it is likely that you'll not only experience less stress and negative emotion, but increase the release of the feel good chemicals and endorphins in your body that keep you healthy and vital.
How do you maintain clarity in your communications with others?
How do you make the time in your life for those important, in person conversations?
We're closing in on "that" time of year again...colder weather, kids back in school, more time spent indoors and those wretched cold and flu bugs begin to circulate. Before the germs and viruses become too prevalent is the optimal time to think about strengthening your immune system.
The germs and bugs will still be around, however, with a strong and resilient immune system your body is in a better position to defend itself from becoming sick.
How Can Massage Help?
There is an ever growing body of research that supports the benefits of Massage Therapy for the Immune System, especially during the winter months. Here are some reasons why regular treatments strengthen your immunity:
When it comes to strengthening your immune system regular massage becomes a necessity rather than a luxury as it increases both your physical and mental well-being.
When is it Too Late?
A number of clients will book an appointment when suffering from a cold or the flu in the belief that it will help them to feel better. The truth is that a Massage will spread the virus and will very likely make you feel worse.
If the cold or flu has already hit, your body needs to rest, not have a muscular work out.
Super thrilled to be offering sessions at this dynamic, patient focused clinic beginning Tuesday, September 5th! Check out www.atmospherehealth.ca to discover more about what is offered and about the knowledgeable and experienced healthcare staff. I look forward to seeing you soon.
How do these two things go together?
It's Simplify Your Life Week from August 1 to 7 and what a great focus as this is a topic brought up by clients regularly...more of a wish actually, that they could find a way fo make life simpler.
And really, Reiki and this goal or wish, go hand in hand. Here's why...
When receiving a Reiki session your Body, Mind and Spirit are encouraged to enter a state of deep relaxation. Usually the mind will begin to quiet it's busy, hamster wheel thoughts (for some this takes a little longer) and that is where the magic begins.
Our Soul or Spirit have so many answers to ways in which we can make life easier and simpler for ourselves, it's ego that often gets in the way of that. When the mind becomes quiet, ego is silenced and we have the amazing opportunity to listen to the messages soul/spirit have been trying to relay. The quiet time puts life into better perspective and often, spirit will assist us in finding a way to simplify life in unique and creative wasy we wouldn't have otherwise thought of.
It really can be as simple as that!
Teresa Graham, RMT is a Reiki Master and has offered both Reiki sessions and Reiki Classes for more than 20 years. Reiki is an integral part of everyday life. Learn more about Reiki sessions here