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When you let yourself down...what then?

4/22/2018

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Calgary Reiki Treatments with Teresa Graham, RMT
    The ever typical peace keeper, despite best efforts not to be, I find myself slipping into that role time and again. Boundaries were never something I learned. Growing up in an alcoholic home they just didn't exist. I earned my gold medal in peacekeeping just to try to maintain some space between myself and the chaos that surrounded me. Unfortunately it's a tough role to break...but I will continue to make it a work in progress.

With a lot of self work and reflection, boundaries have become something more familiar and I've identified a number of them that work for me. The difficult thing about having boundaries is knowing when to set them. For myself, it's usually after I've allowed them to be pushed, a number of times, in my efforts to keep the peace and oh yes, did I mention I'm also working towards becoming a reformed people pleaser as well? 
When you let yourself down. Handtohealth.com in Calgary
I usually will get to the point of being in exhausted tears before I realize I haven't held my boundaries and have overextended myself to please. The stress of people pleasing is finally outweighing everything. Once again, I've let myself down. Any of this sounding familiar? I suspect it does because I meet a number of others in this life who will tell me of similar circumstances. So what do I tell them and what do I tell myself? 

1. FORGIVE  YOURSELF

First and foremost cut yourself some slack. After I've kicked myself a couple of times and wiped the tears away I remember to tell myself that yes, I caught myself again, I messed up, but I did catch myself and perhaps next time I will catch myself sooner.  That does happen.

2. STOP IT!

As soon as you realize the boundaries have been breached put them back in place. Take a few moments to recognize where you've been lax in holding your own space and gift yourself by putting those boundaries up. Then take a breath.

I use to feel that I couldn't, that it was too late, that people wouldn't like it...yeah, the people pleaser raises it's loud and ugly voice to say "What will others think of me?". But the more important question is how will you feel about yourself if you don't? I thought so...nail those things up if have to, but put them up.

3. Say NO

Say no and don't justify it. You really don't owe anyone a reason or justification for putting your boundaries up and beginning to say no. Yes, it means you have switched gears, people may not like it, but is it worth the stress to not do it? Certainly if people ask and you feel as though you want to explain, you can, however at times that can be exhausting. Right now you're doing the work of holding the boundaries in place and rebuilding yourself, and that needs to come first.

4. Celebrate you

Teresa Graham, RMT Calgary, Alberta
Hey, you were successful, you figured it out, you caught up with your boundaries, set them, took a breath and now it's time to celebrate that amazingness that is your achievement. Yes, there will likely be more occurrences of boundary violation and people pleasing mishaps, but not today.

​You're only human and that is something to celebrate. Give yourself the pat on the back, the toast with champagne or whatever way you celebrate you!

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Healing Anxiety Holistically (part 2)

10/11/2015

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Anxiety & Taking Care of You in the Moment

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Our mind/body/spirit connection is never more obvious than when we’re in a state of anxiety. Fear driven thoughts may bring forward a biochemical response in your body (fast pulse, dry mouth, nausea, shallow breathing, dizziness), and your mind views these symptoms as evidence that something is definitely wrong.

Developing grounding and mindful movement “tricks” can help to reduce anxiety, more quickly bringing you to a physical and emotional sense of calmness. Practicing some of these, while not in a state of anxiety, may help you to more quickly remember these tips when you feel anxiety coming on. 

Hand to Health
  • Affirmations
    Developing some positive messages to repeat when anxiety is looming can help us to feel more in control, which at times can bring an anxiety or panic attack to an end. My favourite one that I keep in my list is “I’ve done this before and I can do this again”, others may include: “I am safe with myself”, “I breathe in calm and breathe out fear”, …
    ​


  • Mindful Breathing
    Bringing your focus to your inhalation and exhalation can help to move your attention from fearful thoughts to being in the present moment. Taking deep breaths notice the first place in your body you feel the air entering and the last space you feel the breath as it leaves the body. Sometimes counting these breaths can further help.


  • Grounding Music
    Having a CD handy with music that brings awareness can be really helpful. My personal choice is music with a heavy bass or steady medium to slow drum beat. Music has a great impact upon the mind and can bring us out of our head and into our bodies. If you are inspired to move to the music as well, feel the beat through your feet and let it flow through you.


  • Ask yourself Questions
    Challenge your fearful thoughts. Is the fear and anxiety your feeling about something happening now or are you projecting fearful thoughts about something that may or may not happen in the future? Is the story that you are telling youself true? If it is something happening now can you talk with someone or ask them to help you?
     
    Next: How Holistic therapy sessions can help you with anxiety
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Healing Anxiety Holistically (part 1)

9/25/2015

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Over coffee with colleagues a few weeks ago in which we share holistic health ideas, our conversation turned to our clients and how many of them are feeling a lot of anxiety lately. Anxiety about finances, relationships, health issues, family, etc. But what seems most prevalent is a deep anxiety about feeling a lack of power in their lives to deal with the issues that are making them anxious, that they feel out of control.

Anxiety can impact upon many aspects of our physical and emotional self; digestive problems, trouble sleeping or waking up tired, lack of energy and drive, mental confusion, body aches and pains, headaches, muscle tension, depression, sadness, anger …  When we ignore or don’t acknowledge that we’re anxious it takes its toll.


I’ve had a number of clients dismiss their anxieties as something they “just have to get over”, “others have worse things happening so my anxiety is stupid”, “there is nothing I can do about it so just have to live with the problems”. Yes, some pretty self defeating words whether spoken out loud or as self-talk.

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During the month of October  the at Hand to Health, in Abbotsford, the discussion is going to be around Anxiety. The power gained in acknowledging its existence and some holistically healthy ways to ease or resolve anxiety.

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I was absolutely thrilled when I saw Cindy Bernicot’s next EFT Tapping & Meditation topic for her October workshop at Hand To Health because through tapping we open up to firstly acknowledge that the issue is there and how we honestly feel about it. Then we move on to taking back our own power to deal with the issue. Anxiety, like any other energy, needs to be moved in order to let it go, rather than resisting or denying its existence. I can’t think of a better stepping off point than with Cindy’s amazing guided workshops.

For more information about Cindy’s workshop and how to register click here

Join in on Wednesday, October 7th to experience
Tap Away Anxiety - Using EFT Tapping & Meditation to Deal with Anxiety & Panic Attacks
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    Teresa Graham,
    ​RMT,  D.I.Hom
     

    Immersed in Holistic Health activities both personally and as a career I find it a path of continual learning...there's so much to share! More about me...

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Teresa Graham, RMT

Registered Massage Therapy and Holistic Health Sessions
#6 4624 Varsity Drive NW
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Est. 1994
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