 OK, so you’ve done the work, peeled back layers of your life, like an onion, to discover at least one thing that is no longer working for you. That something is up for change as you create holistic balance in your life. You’ve explored the ways that work for you and hopefully found 2 or 3 that work and you’re in the process of integrating those changes. Now what?
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 A holistic approach means taking care of something in all aspects. When we talk about holistic living, it means a complete and whole approach to the well-being of our body, mind and spirit. We are not just our bodies nor just our minds or spirit, if one is off balance the others are likely affected … and both should be addressed as we journey towards maintaining wellness.  In our normal busy states of being, people often tend to be very much in their "heads". The mind is busy thinking, planning, remembering, engaging. For most occupations we have to be, however, what is going on with the body during this busy time?  Two things that I notice when clients are in for a session, especially Massage Therapy; They often don't realize just how many sore muscles the have in their body until I begin to work on them, and I can often feel the muscles begin to relax as people talk on the table about the issues keeping them busy. It's as though air is finally being released from an overfilled air mattress, the muscles become softer and more fluid. This is often my reasoning to asking questions before a session starts. How are you doing, on all levels, that day? Your answers give me some insight into how you're connecting with all aspects of your holistic well-being. When you plan an activity is it purely physical? Or do you also account for how it will feel on a mental/emotional level and how it feeds (or not) you on a spiritual level?  An example of what I mean by the question above. Some years ago when looking for a workout I needed to find something that I would stick to. While I played a lot of team sports and did competitive swimming in high school, my life just didn't have a space of time for that as a business owner and single mother. I thought back through the things I had tried during my growing up and pre-mum years for what I had really enjoyed doing. Here was the list I came up with:
 My workouts became: Taking Belly Dance classes and moving on to also teach (moving the body freely with music is so energizing!), yoga because I loved it and it really goes hand in hand with taking care of dance muscles and joints and walking or hiking in nature. This holistic approach to my well-being fed me on all levels, mind, body and spirit. I take this same approach to other activities, and to my work. I love the work I do and the interactions that I have with clients. My work doesn't feel like a job but instead is a passion that I get to take part in every day. While I've been a secretary and interior designer in past careers and did find some satisfaction in that, they don't feed my soul in the same way as providing Massage and Holistic Therapies does. The holistic approach to well-being is not just about the body. It also takes into account your mental state, how you're feeling about your day to day activities, and if they feed you on a spiritual level as well.
 With the changes life has brought us during the Covid19 pandemic I encourage you to take some time to take a look at your daily activities and ask yourself if they bring a holistic balance to your well-being or do they need to be tuned-up, changed or dropped completely. Once you begin to take a holistic approach to one or two activities, you'll find it begins to change your approach to others. Note: This is not a space for you to be self-judgemental or look for blame, it's simply having an honest look at ways to make positive changes for your whole healthy being. I hope that you'll share your experiences. Join me during the month of April for A Journey into Taking a Holistic Approach to Covid19
 The ever typical peace keeper, despite best efforts not to be, I find myself slipping into that role time and again. Boundaries were never something I learned. Growing up in an alcoholic home they just didn't exist. I earned my gold medal in peacekeeping just to try to maintain some space between myself and the chaos that surrounded me. Unfortunately it's a tough role to break...but I will continue to make it a work in progress. With a lot of self work and reflection, boundaries have become something more familiar and I've identified a number of them that work for me. The difficult thing about having boundaries is knowing when to set them. For myself, it's usually after I've allowed them to be pushed, a number of times, in my efforts to keep the peace and oh yes, did I mention I'm also working towards becoming a reformed people pleaser as well?  I usually will get to the point of being in exhausted tears before I realize I haven't held my boundaries and have overextended myself to please. The stress of people pleasing is finally outweighing everything. Once again, I've let myself down. Any of this sounding familiar? I suspect it does because I meet a number of others in this life who will tell me of similar circumstances. So what do I tell them and what do I tell myself? 1. FORGIVE YOURSELFFirst and foremost cut yourself some slack. After I've kicked myself a couple of times and wiped the tears away I remember to tell myself that yes, I caught myself again, I messed up, but I did catch myself and perhaps next time I will catch myself sooner. That does happen. 2. STOP IT!As soon as you realize the boundaries have been breached put them back in place. Take a few moments to recognize where you've been lax in holding your own space and gift yourself by putting those boundaries up. Then take a breath. I use to feel that I couldn't, that it was too late, that people wouldn't like it...yeah, the people pleaser raises it's loud and ugly voice to say "What will others think of me?". But the more important question is how will you feel about yourself if you don't? I thought so...nail those things up if have to, but put them up. 3. Say NOSay no and don't justify it. You really don't owe anyone a reason or justification for putting your boundaries up and beginning to say no. Yes, it means you have switched gears, people may not like it, but is it worth the stress to not do it? Certainly if people ask and you feel as though you want to explain, you can, however at times that can be exhausting. Right now you're doing the work of holding the boundaries in place and rebuilding yourself, and that needs to come first. 4. Celebrate you Hey, you were successful, you figured it out, you caught up with your boundaries, set them, took a breath and now it's time to celebrate that amazingness that is your achievement. Yes, there will likely be more occurrences of boundary violation and people pleasing mishaps, but not today.
You're only human and that is something to celebrate. Give yourself the pat on the back, the toast with champagne or whatever way you celebrate you! |
Teresa Graham,
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