I'm not sure why it took this long for the penny to drop, after all I've been both a single mother and Reiki practitioner for years. However, today it dawned on me just how energy scattering it is to raise kids. Often during a Reiki session for a new parent I intuit their need for Chakra balancing during the session, today I had an "ah ha" moment.
A single parent when my son turned 16 months, my experience comes from the mother role, however I suspect the same diffusion of energy happens to every parent.
As mothers we wear many different hats. The one who steps up to discipline and at the same time will be the nurturing cuddler who kisses the boo boo before the bandaid goes on. I found myself setting household chores and rules, sitting on the benches at hockey games cheering myself hoarse, being ready to listen and learn when a problem came up, helping with homework, cooking nutritious meals, making sure the house wasn't a complete wreck, that school and sports schedules were met, and that hopefully, I was also managing to instill values that are important...and on and on the list goes... I know that I'm mentioning those parts of the job that all parents take on.
And please, don't read this as a list of complaints. I love being a mum and was ready to take on whatever needed to be done for my son through all his stages of growth.
Is it any wonder that when a parent lies down on the table for a Reiki session that their energy is often frenetic and scattered. Their energy feels like it's zipping in many different directions at once and feels somewhat fragmented. While their Chakras often feel out of balance, the Male/Female energies feel distorted as well. I can only assume it is because of the multiple roles that are part and parcel of parenting.
A number of clients that are also parents often mention feelings of complete overwhelm, anxiety and fatigue. Really, it's no wonder. If your energy is scattered in many directions you end up trying to manage life from a level of physical and mental depletion. If your energy is out of balance then you're more easily knocked back by life events, both large and small.
When my child was 9 I began to experience Reiki sessions and in the year that followed began my Reiki training. I would return home from a session with feelings of inner serenity and a sense of balance. What I noticed was that home was also calmer, harmonious and more peaceful. I was still juggling full time work, hockey practice, school and all the other activities, but somehow they just didn't feel as frenetic and crazy. I also recall people making mention of how serene our home felt when they entered it, that it wrapped them like a hug.
From an energetic viewpoint this change in my home environment was likely due to my taking time, on a fairly regular basis, to lie back on a treatment table, allowing my breath to slow, my mind to still and my energy to centre. From that space my being had collected the fragments of my scattered energy into my centre, from which it could emanate outwards to the people and environment that I was in contact with. It's pretty amazing what an hour can do to help us heal.
I guess my only wish would be to have discovered Reiki right at the start of parenting. With shifting hormones, postpartum issues, sleepless nights, teething, terrible twos, trips to the principal's office,... my suspicion is that those years would have been a little less draining.
The ever typical peace keeper, despite best efforts not to be, I find myself slipping into that role time and again. Boundaries were never something I learned. Growing up in an alcoholic home they just didn't exist. I earned my gold medal in peacekeeping just to try to maintain some space between myself and the chaos that surrounded me. Unfortunately it's a tough role to break...but I will continue to make it a work in progress.
With a lot of self work and reflection, boundaries have become something more familiar and I've identified a number of them that work for me. The difficult thing about having boundaries is knowing when to set them. For myself, it's usually after I've allowed them to be pushed, a number of times, in my efforts to keep the peace and oh yes, did I mention I'm also working towards becoming a reformed people pleaser as well?
I usually will get to the point of being in exhausted tears before I realize I haven't held my boundaries and have overextended myself to please. The stress of people pleasing is finally outweighing everything. Once again, I've let myself down. Any of this sounding familiar? I suspect it does because I meet a number of others in this life who will tell me of similar circumstances. So what do I tell them and what do I tell myself?
1. FORGIVE YOURSELF
First and foremost cut yourself some slack. After I've kicked myself a couple of times and wiped the tears away I remember to tell myself that yes, I caught myself again, I messed up, but I did catch myself and perhaps next time I will catch myself sooner. That does happen.
2. STOP IT!
As soon as you realize the boundaries have been breached put them back in place. Take a few moments to recognize where you've been lax in holding your own space and gift yourself by putting those boundaries up. Then take a breath.
I use to feel that I couldn't, that it was too late, that people wouldn't like it...yeah, the people pleaser raises it's loud and ugly voice to say "What will others think of me?". But the more important question is how will you feel about yourself if you don't? I thought so...nail those things up if have to, but put them up.
3. Say NO
Say no and don't justify it. You really don't owe anyone a reason or justification for putting your boundaries up and beginning to say no. Yes, it means you have switched gears, people may not like it, but is it worth the stress to not do it? Certainly if people ask and you feel as though you want to explain, you can, however at times that can be exhausting. Right now you're doing the work of holding the boundaries in place and rebuilding yourself, and that needs to come first.
4. Celebrate you
Hey, you were successful, you figured it out, you caught up with your boundaries, set them, took a breath and now it's time to celebrate that amazingness that is your achievement. Yes, there will likely be more occurrences of boundary violation and people pleasing mishaps, but not today.
You're only human and that is something to celebrate. Give yourself the pat on the back, the toast with champagne or whatever way you celebrate you!
When it comes to our Heart health it is important that all aspects of our health are considered...rather than considering only symptoms, Holistic health therapies take into account the whole person (mind, body, spirit) and how the current state of dis-ease is affecting them.
If the symptom is heart palpatations but the underlying cause is stress, it's more important to treat the stress aspect so that the heart and mind can relax...don't you think?
Our Spirit is able to connect and communicate with us more effectively when we are relaxed, open and calm. When we nurture that connection we thrive in a place of harmony, balance and wellbeing! We become more aware of the emotional stress and physical pain in our day to day activities. In that simple awareness we can begin to heal.
Each Holistic Health practitioner will have their own ideas as to which modality is the best for their clients health. Through the past 22+ years of practice, experience has taught me that the client actually knows much better than I do... often without realizing it.
I may suggest Reiki as a generic way to relax, become calm and discover balance, however, if a client is high energy and has difficulty staying still for long periods then that one hour Reiki session is likely to drive them crazy and up their stress level.
In this situation I would be more likely to introduce a couple of modalities where a vigourous massage for the first part of the hour, to begin the relaxation process, followed by Reiki for the second half of the hour, would likely be easier and more fitting for that particular client. This is the reason I take a few minutes at the beginning of a session to understand where you, the client, are at that day.
Each of the modalities that I offer encourage the body to relax and in that relaxed state the mind and spirit are often drawn into the space of calm. It is in that relaxed state that the innate and natural healing process can begin. That is the space you want to get to in holistic health modalities to best realize and maintain your heart health.
My role in that is to listen, to understand and to facilitate in providing a session that will be of the most benefit to your overall wellbeing, whichever modality that is.
Explore the different modalities towards wellness for yourself... (click a button below)
Super thrilled to be offering sessions at this dynamic, patient focused clinic beginning Tuesday, September 5th! Check out www.atmospherehealth.ca to discover more about what is offered and about the knowledgeable and experienced healthcare staff. I look forward to seeing you soon.
How do these two things go together?
It's Simplify Your Life Week from August 1 to 7 and what a great focus as this is a topic brought up by clients regularly...more of a wish actually, that they could find a way fo make life simpler.
And really, Reiki and this goal or wish, go hand in hand. Here's why...
When receiving a Reiki session your Body, Mind and Spirit are encouraged to enter a state of deep relaxation. Usually the mind will begin to quiet it's busy, hamster wheel thoughts (for some this takes a little longer) and that is where the magic begins.
Our Soul or Spirit have so many answers to ways in which we can make life easier and simpler for ourselves, it's ego that often gets in the way of that. When the mind becomes quiet, ego is silenced and we have the amazing opportunity to listen to the messages soul/spirit have been trying to relay. The quiet time puts life into better perspective and often, spirit will assist us in finding a way to simplify life in unique and creative wasy we wouldn't have otherwise thought of.
It really can be as simple as that!
Teresa Graham, RMT is a Reiki Master and has offered both Reiki sessions and Reiki Classes for more than 20 years. Reiki is an integral part of everyday life. Learn more about Reiki sessions here
I probably ask about your self care time at pretty much every appointment. While your sessions with me count as self care it really is a practice that needs to be followed daily.
Making it a habit isn’t really that difficult….here are some easy tips to bring self care into your daily regime AND they take 15 minutes or less
…just a few things to get you started! What ideas do you have for self care?
Through 20+ years of practice in Massage Therapy and other holistic modalities I have come to specialize in the individualized treatment of women. Not that it was intended, my practice has just evolved that way. Throughout the life of a woman she faces a myriad of physical, emotional and hormonal changes. (and no, this is not to say that men don’t as well). I've watched those changes over the years in practice and am always in awe, not only in how each woman's individual body deals with them but the strength each woman has in resolving emotional and physical challenges.
Women face different challenges to their male counterparts, be it in the workplace, societal expectations or their role within the family unit. I was told recently that my uprooting my life to relocate to Calgary was a “brave thing for a woman, especially of my age” to be doing…. Hmmmm. Would the same thing have been said if a man was making the same changes? I think so. I think as human beings, male or female, we can become stagnant in our lives and that can be a very comfortable place to be. When anyone chooses to change all of that it does take some courage, energy and resolve.
So whether change is brought about due to physical changes in age, hormones, etc. or whether we are initiating the change, we can draw upon holistic therapies to help ease our bodies and minds through them.
Massage Therapy helps the physical changes in muscles, tendons, ligaments and joints whether a fast growing teen, pregnant, menopausal or arthritic. An added benefit that many women experience is that it assists in becoming more body comfortable and body confident...a great self esteem builder!
Craniosacral Therapy benefits physical change through unwinding the fascia that tightens around muscles, organs and the body from injury or stress. It also assists the body to release past traumas that can cause fascia to wind tight and stay tight. Craniosacral therapy is also helpful for learning disabilities, TMJ, concussion symptoms and headaches…things that can be experienced at any age. What I've also discovered that often, when a more aggressive therapy is not working, the body will respond to the gentleness of Craniosacral.
Reflexology stimulates all of the nerve endings in the feet and/or hands, and through that opens up the circulation, encouraging the body to relax, and in that, begin self-healing. Read more about this healing art.... (click here)
Reiki brings balance to body, mind and spirit which can be essential to working through those periods of raging hormones that continue throughout life, easing the stress and tension brought about with exams, raising a family, being in this life and dealing with societal expectations. Reiki is a gentle reminder for the mind to rest and the body to heal.
Throughout my years in practice I have been honoured to share sessions focused on the health of women be they newborn or 98 years in age, and every age in between that. I’ve been witness to watching these women travel through life’s changes with more ease upon their journey and that has been a priceless gift.
What stresses and challenges to you feel, as a woman, you experience differently to men?
What steps do you take to ease and meet those stresses and challenges?
Have you tried holistic health modalities?
A client, brand new to Reiki, shared the thought that the secret to Reiki was the time out from the world. That very rarely in this day and age do we take the time to completely remove ourselves, physically and emotionally, from having to be or do. That when we do take that time, even just for 30 to 40 minutes (or longer), that the quality of rest is so profound that the body and mind feel as though they have had 8 hours of sleep.
On some levels I do have to agree. A reiki session encourages that level of deep relaxation, and when in that state our body’s innate ability to heal itself is given the space it needs to do so. That can be a really healing experience on an emotional/mental level as well. When we take the time to get quiet, put what is bothering us on the back burner for a time, and while it percolates back there, we often come up with resolutions we may not have thought of in our harried, busy state.
So why have a Reiki session if you can get the same results with a “time out”? Well, probably first and foremost is that not many actually take the time to relax this deeply, on a regular basis. The flow of energy that is Reiki goes to a deeper level on both the physical and emotional levels. While it may not be apparent at the time of your session, you will often notice, for many days afterwards, a sense of deep peace and harmony. The balance between mind, body and spirit that is brought about through your Reiki session gives you much greater energy to draw upon as you continue through your day to day activities. Accomplishing those activities in a less stressed state is not only good for you but beneficial to those around you. You end up having more to give, from a centred, balanced and harmonious place.
What are your thoughts about Reiki?
What have been the short and long term benefits to your sessions?
Do you actually take the time, each day, to be in a peaceful and relaxed state?